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“You never said anything about milk.”
“Yes, I definitely did. You never listen.”
“I do too listen. You never said milk.”
“No, I did say milk. You just don’t listen.”
We’ve all been in situations like this one–when a loved one unintentionally provokes a confrontation. What do we do? We stand our ground, push our point, and underscore our reasons. We do it because we know we’re right. What is it, deep inside our being, that refuses to budge, to give in, or to shut up before we’re embroiled in a fight we don’t want? Meet your baby self. According to Dr. Anthony Wolf, this childish personality comes out at home, at work, and in social settings–with spouses, significant others, colleagues, and even friends. The baby self doesn’t know when to back down, it doesn’t compromise, and it can lead you to make rash and, usually, wrong decisions.
In this humorous, helpful, and eye-opening guide, you’ll learn how to deal with your baby self when it wreaks havoc on your life. Dr. Wolf provides alternate ways of responding to others when your baby self is ready to scream: It’s not fair! It’s not my fault! You are wrong! He offers ways to avoid the traps that sabotage all relationships, helps us recognize the false reasons we trick ourselves into thinking we are right, and teaches us how to let our mature side do the talking. With scores of examples of how innocent day-to-day conversations can erupt into conflagrations, Dr. Wolf shows you how to disengage fast and easily. The result? Peace, positive dialogue, and happier relationships all around–even if deep down you know you are right!
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Creators
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Publisher
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Release date
December 18, 2007 -
Formats
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Kindle Book
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OverDrive Read
- ISBN: 9780307417763
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EPUB ebook
- ISBN: 9780307417763
- File size: 487 KB
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Languages
- English
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Reviews
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November 7, 2005
Everyone quarrels, says clinical psychologist Wolf, but there are ways to prevent arguments from deteriorating into behavior that destroys a relationship. Although grownups are mature, says Wolf, they still retain a "baby self" that wants immediate gratification without stress. It is when someone's baby self, rather than rational self, emerges during a verbal conflict that trouble begins. Using numerous and often humorous sample conversations, the author demonstrates how to circumvent this. When Celia and Lewis disagreed because she had promised they would attend a dinner party and he wanted to spend time with his father, their discussion grew angrier because both used insulting language rather than accepting that they would have to negotiate. Just drop it, says Wolf, disengage and simply leave an argument if you and your partner cannot stick to the basic subject. Wolf (Mom, Jason's Breathing on Me
) also includes sensible advice on how to avoid other baby self pitfalls. such as bringing up past grievances, assigning blame and indulging a need to control. Agent, Joe Spieler. -
January 15, 2006
Clinical psychologist Wolf takes some of the principles from his previous books on parenting ( -Mom, Jason's Breathing on Me! -) and applies them to adult relationships. According to Wolf, everyone has a -baby self - who is stubborn, -self-centered, piggy and clueless -; lives in the present; holds grudges from past wronged behavior; and fears aloneness. This baby self wreaks havoc on close relationships by refusing to give up until the other person acknowledges and accepts the spoiled person's point of view and sense of justice. This baby self is not bad -it provides pleasure and spontaneity -but it must be kept in check by the -mature self, - who takes satisfaction in working toward long-term goals and harmonious relationships. Wolf presents strategies for identifying the baby self as well as both useful and nonuseful ways of communicating, arguing, and responding to differences and difficulties. As with his other works, this book is mainly made up of illustrative dialog that reinforces the author's ideas. Wolf's simple approach may not be approved or applauded by everyone, but his guidelines are thought-provoking and insightful. Recommended for public libraries and popular psychology collections." -Lucille M. Boone, San Jose P.L., CA"Copyright 2006 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.
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