How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty

January 3, 2000
Featuring an extremely promotable high concept, this effort to combine assertiveness training with the aims of the simplicity movement results in an occasionally useful, if unoriginal, self-help book. By saying "no"--with skill and sensitivity--to draining, unsatisfying activities, literary agent and public speaker Breitman and writer Hatch argue, readers will have time and energy for more important ones. After covering the principles behind graceful refusals (e.g., act from generosity; saying less is more), much of the book is devoted to scripts for dealing with a variety of sticky situations--from requests for loans to handling freeloaders, high-maintenance acquaintances, service and professional help--and preventive strategies, some of which are helpful while others could easily come off as insincere. A section on handling unreasonable work demands, such as overtime and extra assignments, does not seem especially realistic, although there is some thoughtful advice on delicate issues such as critiquing performance, dealing with requests for raises and turning down job applicants. Advice on following one's bliss and self-employment seem misplaced here, while suggestions about how to say no to spouses and children are adequate. Readers who want a thorough grounding in assertiveness techniques would benefit more from classics like When I Say No, I Feel Guilty, instead of this hodgepodge of excuses.$40,000 ad/promo.