I Wouldn't Do That If I Were Me

September 12, 2022
Wall Street Journal sports columnist Gay (Little Victories) considers fatherhood and middle age in this entertaining collection of 32 short essays. In “Vroom,” he describes taking his six-year-old son to the Daytona 500, where Gay discovers he is “a sad dad who is equipped to explain to his son the finer points of Arcade Fire, but I’m useless here.” “Surrender Dad” is a candid take on caving in to serving pizza in lieu of healthy food and granting a free pass on unsupervised screen time. “Fish Story” finds Gay on “a profound detour” in which, after being “very good at hating fishing for many decades,” he develops a passion for the pastime, and “Yeller” sees the author confess what kind of soccer dad he is: “I am the Zen one. I promise. Most times. Like 85 percent. Or 65 percent. Really.” Some essays take the form of lists, as in “Things That Take Less Time Than an Average Little League Game” (medical school, winemaking, smoked barbecue ribs, “the entire Scorsese oeuvre”). Though he doesn’t quite transcend amusing surface-level jokes, Gay’s winningly self-deprecating voice will keep readers hooked. This is just the ticket for fans of Jim Gaffigan–style dad humor. Agent: David McCormick, McCormick Literary.

September 15, 2022
When the going gets tough, send in the clowns. Gay, a sports and humor columnist for the Wall Street Journal, follows up Little Victories (2015) with another winning set of essays, many embracing the perspective afforded by the pandemic. The author's self-deprecating approach to his limited athletic abilities and dubious masculine bona fides puts him right next to Dave Barry on the guy-humor shelf. For example, here is his assessment of setting up a man cave in his basement: "I am not what you would describe as man cave material. I have never owned a framed football jersey, or a leather chair, or a vintage neon sign of any kind. I'm a clod at playing pool, foosball, and air hockey. I know very little about beer. When you are cleaning up after a party, and you find a halfdrunk can of beer, and you ask, 'Who drinks only half a can of beer?' Me. That is me. I drank only half a can of your beer. I am sorry." In response to his children's pleas for a dog, he imagines some kind of new, "custom-designed" breed, "capable of walking loyally with you to the liquor store but also discussing the new season of Ozark. I bet they make this dog now. It's probably some form of Frankendoodle. 'His name is Abercrombie. He's part poodle, part Lab, part podcaster.' " Gay also provides an alternative to the traditional anniversary gift guide --highlights include "7th: Phone charger..."8th: Nothing...13th: Heroin....48th: Ghostbusters II on Blu-Ray." In a particularly moving piece, the author remembers a sportswriter pal who died of brain cancer, and a series of three essays mete out the misadventures of his mother's cat, Baxter, giving the book a bit of a throughline and leading to the bravura ending, where he praises the "little happy things" that have gotten us through these difficult recent years. Goofy dad humor lives, and it's still good for what ails you.

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October 1, 2022
Witty Wall Street Journal sports columnist Gay shares self-deprecating vignettes and observations about his experiences with his teacher wife, Bessie; their two kids, Jesse and Jojo; their cat; and his mom. (The dedication reads, "For my Mother, or there'd be trouble.") Each of the 32 chapters, including musings on working from home and Mars travel, could stand alone, while together they form a family man's memoir. Capturing the minutiae of everyday life, Gay laughs at it all and tries to make sense of it during the pandemic era. He vividly recreates scenes, such as a father-son trip to Orlando for a NASCAR race, which gets postponed for a day after it "rains in the Old Testament way." He offers marriage-risking advice on how to buy a TV for a man cave and shares tales about dealing with his "not new house," which includes crickets in the basement. "If you wander down there after dark, it sounds like you're camping in Maine." Gay's self-deprecating linked essays are thought-provoking and funny, which is a winning combination.

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